The Crying Game

First, I would like to know what happened to my blog background? Man, I will have to check it on another computer to see if it has really disappeared.

We (meaning I) have decided that it is time for E to sleep through the night. He used to, until February when he got RSV. Since February, he wakes up at least once, normally anywhere between 3-5, sometimes if we are lucky 6 or 7 and sometimes earlier. He wakes up, I would go in. Sometimes, I would halfheartedly try not to nurse him, but found it easier to just give in. But he didn't need it. It was a comfort thing.

Last Monday, I decided that it was now or never. (really never? I cannot imagine never sleeping through the night again.) I had talked to one of my friends and said that it would be hard because when I picked E up, he got mad if I didn't nurse him. Her response? Don't pick him up. Pat him on the back, let him know you are there etc. OK, game plan in mind, I put E to bed. 4 AM he wakes up. With my mind set, I go in by his crib and start patting him on the back. "It is ok, mommy is here." Well, heaven forbid Mommy is in the room and not picking him up. E gave it his all and let me know he was definitely not happy about this. So, I picked him up. Then the fight really began. He just couldn't understand why I had picked him up but wasn't nursing him. It took an hour for him to calm down again and drift off to sleep enough that I could put him down without him waking up screaming. Score, Mommy 0, E 1.

When discussing the disaster the previous night, another friend tells me, "don't go into his room. He will cry himself back to sleep." OK, game plan changes for the second night. Tuesday night, I put E down to bed. At 4 AM he is awake again, fussing, but I refuse to get out of bed. I look at my phone. It is now 4:03 AM. Has it really only been 3 minutes? Again, 4:07, 4:10, 4:13. I swear, my phone is broken and giving me the wrong time. 4:15 AM, Mike kicks me and says, "Go get him." No. I am not going in there. I am not going to nurse him and it will make it worse. So, Mike went and got him. He stopped crying the minute Mike picked him up. Mike held him for a couple of minutes and then put him back down. It was no longer crying, it was now screaming. Mike picked him back up. No crying. Mike comes in the bedroom. E sees me, he starts crying again. Mike puts him on our bed, he stops. He is happy. He is in bed with mommy and daddy. Great. This is not what I want. I do not want a little guy who will learn to only sleep in bed with mommy and daddy. I cuddle for a sec, then get up, pick up the little guy and start back to his bedroom. E knew right away what I was doing and started crying again. Again, it took about an hour to get him calmed down and back to bed. But, second night no nursing. Second night score. Mommy 0, E 2.

Wednesday, we put E down and he slept like magic until 6 AM, right in time to wake up and go right into the stroller for our early morning walk. Sweet! Hopefully this means it is near an end. Third night score, Mommy 1, E 2.

Thursday night, we put E down. I had told Mike if he couldn't ignore E and went to get him, that he would be the one to deal with him until he went back to sleep. Well, at 4:22 AM, he wakes up. He cries. Mike's alarm goes off at 4:30 (don't ask my why, he didn't have to work.) 4:32, Mike can't take it anymore and starts to his room. He ignores my, "listen to him. He is drifting off. If you leave him, he will go back to sleep." He picks E up. The crying doesn't stop. It gets worse. It goes on and on and gets louder and louder. I hear Mike talking to him. I get up and see Mike rocking him. Still, getting louder. I start to hear our tenants doors shutting downstairs. Great, the last thing I want to do is have my baby's screaming waking up my tenants. I go in and take him and get him calmed down and asleep. I put him down, but he wakes up sceaming. 5:22 AM, I finally get him asleep and staying asleep. Knowing that my alarm goes off at 5:30, what is the point of trying to go back to bed? Fourth night score, Mommy 1, E 3.

Saturday and Sunday, E sleeps late. Saturday he slept until 8, which was greatly appreciated by a very tired mommy and daddy. Sunday, he slept until 7:30. Score is now even, Mommy 3, E 3.

Monday, it has been a week. We are getting more sleep. I am relieved. E wakes up at 1:30 AM. He cries. I ignore him. Mike stirs. I mutter, "put the pillow over your head." Miracle of miracles, we are both able to ignore him. At least we pretend to. I had to plug my ears with my fingers. It was so hard for me not to get up and go to him and comfort him. I don't know how long it was, probably about 15-20 minutes total when I realized that he wasn't crying anymore. We did it! E went back to sleep on his own! It didn't even take very long. Score, Mommy 4, E 3.

This morning, E woke up at 5:20. I listened to him for 10 min and then my alarm went off. I couldn't get up and do my thing listening to him cry, so I went and got him. Instead of cuddling him, which is what he wanted, he got to help me make daddy's sandwich for lunch. He enjoyed that. We kept him occupied until it was time to go into the stroller for our walk. We then ended up seeing a beautiful sunrise and E went right back to bed when we got home and slept until 9. It was nice.

Let us hope that the nights of crying are over, and if not, that at least they will pass quickly. It has now been a week since E nursed at night and he is learning that he doesn't need it for comfort, and he is slowly learning that he can comfort himself back to sleep when he wakes up. Hopefully, he will soon not be waking up in the middle of the night.

On the one hand, I am glad to see my little guy growing up. On the other, it makes me sad. It makes me sad to realize that I am not the sole nourishment for my little guy anymore. It makes me happy/sad that he is learning to be independent. People always talk about how quickly their babies grew up and I secretly, in my mind, scoffed at them. They grow just as slowly/quickly as any other baby. Well, now I know exactly what they meant. Time flies. I have to enjoy every minute that I can because E changes every single day. Every day he becomes just a little more independent. Every day, he gets just a little less cuddly (unless he is tired) and wants to be down on the ground exploring on his own just a little more. My little baby is slowly being replaced by a toddler (trust me, he is gong to be walking way sooner than I think I am ready for.) Already, he likes to hold my finger with one hand and walk around. I am not ready for my baby to grow up. That is where the happy/sad comes from.